she got real teeth cracked open

Wednesday was a real atomic day, in a lot of ways. Trish got up a little earlier than usual. I fixed our traditional work breakfast, albeit she wanted tiny pancakes. We played around with the music channels on cable, washed Trish's car windows, then she drove to work. She called 10 minutes later to tell me she was OK. I knew she would be.

When she was gone I finished my Mindstorm pitch, imported the guy's address from the preditors&editors web page (his was the first "recommended" under "A"), then printed the thing up, only one page when I shrunk it down to Arial 12 point.

I went to the soup kitchen about 10 'til & had a slice of pizza, a bowl of split pea soup, a tomato & doodyman-hated onions, a banana, & some kind of yellow cake. We were out of milk & eggs, so I ran over to Albertson's to buy some, with $5 of my last $7 + change. Another depersonalization started on my way back, so I took a Scientology-fucking Xanax. I listened to VU for a bit, then called Trish's mom. The depersonalization kicked in even worse, so I took another 1/2 pill once I was off the phone. I finally got online & surfed the darkened seas of Cyberia. I added some scurrying pink to my painting, but it looked yucky, so I added some red rays later on.

Trish called when she'd finished work, & parked near-perfect. She had leftover stir-fry, while I ran over to the Layout: when I'd payed my water bill after lunch (we now have $73 credit), I saw that Karen had accidentally given me one of Al Fisher's checks, so I wanted to give it to Cathy Upstairs. We had chicken for supper again, & I took this real huge pork loin out of the freezer upstairs for tonite.

Jeffer Auss came over about 7:00, after we cleaned Smelly Bear's cage. He brought over a movie, part of which I napped thru cuz of the Xanax. Then Car-girl called to let us know that she'd be missing our TA, as her dental work had fallen apart. She'll still give me a ride to the Clinic, & hopefully won't object to swinging us by Iron Claw to withdraw the money for Trish's hair appointment & the root killer. As soon as she was off the line Denise called, wanting to know if I could look up something on the internet about tooth grinding & its treatments. Turns out when we saw Ed & Denise in Pizza Hut Tuesday they'd just been to the dentist, & Dr. Leapy Lee wants to make him a 400 buckadingdong splint for it. Then Trish talked with Denise (& possibly Ed) for a long time, about the stupid moths. I'll be glad when fall is here & the stupid things die.

So much of what we had planned for today & tomorrow has collapsed, until Car-girl's caps are replaced. For now, I have to look up tooth grinding.

Car-girl's continuing escapades

I forgot to mention this morning that Car-girl had an accident yesterday, while driving us home from Pizza Hut. We were headed toward the laundromat when there was a terribly loud bang! & the mirror got busted off her car: some asshole had parked way too far out in the road. She went to her husband's Insurance Mart, finally dropped us off, then called around 5:00 to let us know she'd filed a report with the copz & that neither of them had gotten tickets.

typical Tuesday

Tuesday I did pretty much what I do every Tuesday -- save that during online time I wrote a real atomic pitch to Spin about serializing 21st Century Schizoid Man, which is what I'm now calling Mindstorm. Apparently Robert Fripp doesn't mind, as he never responded to my query letter a few years ago.

After computer time I fixed Trish her pancakes -- but I had to make them tiny; rounds, not funny shapes. She killed a few moths -- I can't believe Fred opening the door like that. We sat around & drank our coffee before she walked. Having pitched the novel to Spin, I worked on a pitch to send an agent, then want to return to work on the novel, as I think it needs to be shifted into the past, with the superficial (& cliched) science fiction elements removed.

Then it was Car-girl, who arrived late, rang the doorbell, & took me to the laundromat. Karen says that on the 10th, we're looking for a new washing machine. We mailed "Relayer", then went to Pizza Hut to pick up Trish. We had leftover stir-fry last night, then watched our Dark Angel tape & a little TV before going to bed.

fear & loathing in the literary agency

Yesterday was shot day, so when Trish woke up -- a little early, for her -- we first trucked our car insurance check to the Doucher Agency, then walked to the Perky Pam Layout. We gave Karen the money that we owed her, then waited around for Pam. She put a spike into my vein & I tell you things ain't quite the same when the Scientology-fucking haldol is in your blood & the blood is in your head.

Trish split for work a few minutes before Lisa opened up the downstairs. No one was around, hardly, so after Brawny & Ryan started to play pool I played Pyramid on the computer for awhile. We had a late lunch of chicken & rice.

When I came home I put on my Who DVD, & about the time it ended I heard from Trish -- she was getting off work early; she could come to the doctor with me. She pretty much literally ran home, changed her clothes, then took forever to eat a peanut butter sandwich while she sat on her Bumble Bee Bear's lap, waiting for the taxi. I'd made the appointment 'cause I wanted my prostate checked, seeing as how I'm now over 50. It was embarrassing with the finger up my butt; the lab test was a little easier, & then I had to schedule a colonoscopy. I see the doctor about that Thursday morning.

Trish & I ate at the hospital cafeteria. We both had the same thing, hot turkey sandwich, except she skipped the mashed potatoes & bought some Crystal Light; we both had yogurt.

We returned on the Invisible Taxi. The new owner tried to demand money out of us, & I had to try to explain that it was Medicaid. I finally satisfied her when I told her my name.

I called Karen about the moths. When Fred installed the air-conditioner he'd put some styrofoam down to "balance" it & it left a gap, so she suggested stuffing it with something. Trish found some old nylons & hopefully we won't see her dancing around with a fly-swatter today.

We watched Dark Angel, then recorded the 2nd episode. RAW moved temporarily to Sci-Fi, so the usual marathon ended early.

This morning I sent a real atomic pitch for 21st Century Schizoid Man to Spin, saying the Rolling Stone had recommended me. I then got on Preditors & Editors, after a search, in order to look for agents. I'll write to one when Trish is at work.

how I wasted my time yesterday & so can you

I feel bad. Nearly everything that I did yesterday was a waste of time, & I feel so guilty about it. The morning started out typically: do the online, fix pancakes, talk with Trish while she drinks her coffee. Since she drove to work yesterday we also washed her car windows. However, we did find a few moths, so I called Karen to tell her about Fred leaving the doors wide open to "air out the house" right after we bug-bombed it. She agreed to do budget with us "around 3:00". She also wanted us not to get mad at Fred, so he'd stop doing favors for us.

After Trish left for work I ran over to Albertson's to pick up peanut butter, bread crumbs & coffee. Then I ate lunch at Taco Treat. I had a wheat taco & a "large" soft drink, & it came out under $5.00. Then I went home & watched the new Madonna; somewhere in there, I added some more pearlescent white to my painting, which was the only creative thing I did that day. While Madonna was playing I called Keith, but between the a/c & the TV I didn't have a clue as to what he was saying, albeit I said it to Bonnie, too.

I got on the computer, to check my email & wasted some time online. I feel guilty 'cause I had planned to read Destroyer, but the plot keeps getting bogged down in the dialogue, so I had anxiety over the magnifying glass.

Trish finally got home in her dread bat-mobile, which is white, which is the wrong color for a bat-mobile, but I say it anyway to spite Warner Communications, for taking mine away: http://www.onewest.net/~jbauer/batmans.car

So I let Trish relax under the a/c & fixed her a peanut butter sandwich, after reminding her to take her calcium & Artane. Halfway thru her sandwich Karen called, & wanted us to meet her at Taco Treat. Trish bought a bowl of Spanish rice & we both got lemon-flavored water. Karen wound up paying for virtually everything this month, including more money on the water bill, Western Drug (though our co-pays are $0.00 we still need minerals & band-aids), & even payed the car insurance. She also gave me a $50.00 check to buy groceries with on Thursday, & a bit of spending cash.

When we got home Trish took a shower. We're still putting band-aids on her foot as Betadyne stains, so I had to help her with that. She played Penguins until I fixed stir-fry (box of fried rice & a bag of frozen vegetables), but Trish got fussy over her pea pods.

After supper Trish did some of the dishes by hand, while I checked my email. I haven't been black-listed at ASIM, they're simply running slow.

Trish wanted quiet time when she was done with the dishes, so we turned off the stereo. She had me try to show her how to do sign language. I was surprised. After what went on with Kim, I really expected her to reject the woman. Personally, I felt bad about the way Kim nearly cried after reading my letter. But it shows how Trish has grown, if she can be forgiving.

We went to bed early. I was burned out from not-sleeping the night before & too much pop at lunch. We snuggled for quite awhile, then I woke up at 5:20, but stayed in bed until almost 6:00. Today is shot day, as well as my appointment about my prostate. I look forward to a day with Lisa at the Center & a doctor's appointment in a few weeks that'll get me off the Scientology-fucking haldol & onto something that fucks Scientology even better.

...how we got along after the bug bomb

This morning, as soon as Trish was up, I started breakfast... only to have her find 3 moths. She killed them with the broom, but it left me really mad at Fred: when we aired out the house yesterday, he'd insisted on leaving the front door open. I called Karen, who advised Trish (& myself) not to get mad at Fred, or he might stop doing favors for us. I'm now starting to think they may be coming in thru the air-conditioner. I also suspect that they were living under the chair by the a/c, & that's why you'd see so many over there.

After Trish left I picked up some peanut butter, bread crumbs, & coffee at Albertson's, which only came to 5 buckadingdongs (it's only a tiny jar of coffee), so I ate a wheat taco at El Taco Loco for lunch. I came back, put on the new Madonna & turned on the a/c. I called Keith but got me Bonnie; finally had to quit talking 'cause I needed to use the bathroom.

After the video, I wrote to Robbie Matthews, who's apparently blacklisted me from his magazine for objecting strenuously to a rude & sarcastic review of "Fragile Eggshell Mind". God & science fiction readers can so miss the point of a metaphor.

Karen promised Trish she'd pick us up sometime after she returns from work.

I don't know what my problem is now, mania or depression -- I think I'm talking fast -- but it's made it difficult to work, even though I did dapple my painting with some more pearlescent white. On top of everything else, I have a caffeine headache from Taco Treat. If we go some place for budget I'm going to insist on not-having Coke.

She got Hot Shot fogger

Yesterday was a busy day. After our traditional breakfast of pancakes, Trish got ready to walk to work. Since this was bug bomb day, we felt it'd give Fred & I more time. Instead, Trish just wound up asking him for a ride.

When we returned from Pizza Hut Fred turned off the pilot in the little heater in the basement bedroom, then the hot water tank. Reading further in the instructions, we realized we had to shut off "all cycling appliances, such as refrigerators". We called Kame-Apart & some bozo thought that this meant moving the fridge out of the house. However, we kept waiting for the fridge to finish its cycle & it wouldn't, so finally we just unplugged the thing, set off the Hot Shot fogger, & left the place.

We cruised for Pepin park & sat around a picnic table until noon, then went to Taco Time for lunch. On the way back we stopped at Pizza Hut to inform Trish that we might be taking a little additional time, due to unplugging the fridge. After that we went to Fred's house. We sat in his swing while he brought out a little electric keyboard.

Finally, we came home to air the place out. He opened the front door while I opened the back & turned on the ceiling fans & air-conditioners to "ventilate". Fred also set up a huge fan in the doorway. Around 2:00 we went to switch on the pilots, & I heard the doorbell ring just as Fred was working on the water heater: Trish. Pizza Hut had let her off early. After a dozen matches, the machine finally caught, & Fred headed out.

Trish agreed to some quiet time, & then Kim arrived. I showed her the letter Pam had suggested I write, & she looked about ready to cry. She talked a lot about moving to the Eagle's Manor, but not really about the contents of the note.

Trish & I went downstairs to cook our b-b-q pork while Blondie played on Trish's home theater. I cooked some frozen carrots & potatoes for supper. There were leftovers, which Trish stashed in the fridge for today.

We had a spontaneous make-out session last night. Trish felt so good, now that the Philip K. Fantasy has been abolished. We caught the end of Liar, Liar on cable, then went to bed -- but I kept waking up in the middle of the night.

Tomorrow is shot day. I intend to discuss Kim with Pam, then I think there's only one following shot before I see Doc Larocque -- & withdraw from the Orgasm Death.

Malta/moths on my mind

The day began yesterday pretty much like every other one: get up, check the email, news, & blog, save for Trish having the day off, which meant cold cereal -- we finished off the toasty-o's -- instead of a breakfast of pancakes. Since Trish had an appointment with Charlene Upstairs we were going to go to the PPL, but a phone conversation revealed that they weren't open. I stayed in the outer office while Trish talked with her therapist, up to the time Car-girl picked me up to go to Kame-Apart for bug spray. We'd planned to spray the damn moths that very day, but when Car-girl read the instructions, it said we needed to extinguish all pilot lights, so instead we went to pick up Trish.

I had my dental work done that day, & we allowed 2 hours to reach Malta, but stopped at McRonald's for a Bozo Burger, after stopping at the bank to take out $40 for the trip. We stopped at Dodson for a potty break & Trish bought a bunch of snack food, including Frito's & pop for me, as I'd payed for lunch & Car-girl had already paid me back.

When we arrived Car-girl went to fill her gas tank, but we were 10 minutes early & they hadn't opened the office yet. The job took about an hour, then we went down Dawn's Highway toward the setting sun. We stopped at Harlem, where Trish bought some yogurt-covered raisins. When we came home we bought a veggie sandwich at Subway, to take home, then took another $20 out of the Drive-thru at Iron Claw Credit Union, as I wanted some grocery money for the weekend.

After she went downstairs to bring up Say Bra's tape, Trish wanted me to call Ed about turning on & off the pilot lights. Denise answered the phone, just when company arrived there. Trish found Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy on cable, & we waited for Ed to return the call. Trish also called Karen over it, & we finally agreed to pay Fred a little bit to do it, which he was amenable to, so today, once Trish leaves for work, Fred & I will be Hot Shotting the place. I just hope that we can keep him amused for 2 hours while the bug spray does its work. The ideal thing would be to go to a restaurant & drink pop for awhile, & I may need a Bozo Burger while I wait, but it's going to be difficult to get Fred to do that.

waiting for the dentist (like the sun & the Son)

Trish had to get up at 7:30 yesterday, to go see the foot doctor. We had Albertson's generic toasty-o's for breakfast, then Car-girl called when Trish was still drinking her coffee. Like a rocket-man, we got there on-time, & were in & out in 5 minutes. Since I told Car-girl that I like to walk now, for the exercise, we went up to the park at Water Tower Hill, but it started to rain.

Trish was napping when I got home, & the rain stopped shortly afterward. All the daytime naps may be part of her sleep apnea thing. Car-girl called with an apology: she couldn't make TA, she had a Dr. appointment in Electric City & had to take the afternoon off, so Trish cleaned the bathroom sink with a toothbrush. We ate at the soup kitchen, about which time one of my depersonalizations occurred. I'd picked up our meds, including more Artane, at Western Drug, got home & popped a Xanax & fuck Scientology & the skinny dog. Since I was having a panic attack I simply stayed put in the Captain's chair while Trish listened to her dance music & cleaned. This included picking up the remaining feathers of the dead bird in the backyard: cat's food.

We had beans on toast for supper, something Ed & Denise turned us on to. We watched one episode of our Dark Angel tape, then went to Dairy Queen. I had a peanut buster parfait; she had a Mr. Misty watermelon. We came home, watched the rest of Dark Angel, then turned the TV sound on: black coffee in bed, the song Trish hates more than anything, so I switched it to the 70s Show.

Sometime yesterday I called Kame-Apart in order to find out if they had any bug spray that would work on moths. Since it means vacating the premises for 30 minutes, Car-girl & I are meeting at the Layout to pick up a can immediately before heading out to Malta, to head down Dawn's Highway to the dentist. Trish & I are planning on going to Iron Claw House, have her see Charlene Upstairs, then stop at the Invisible Drive-in for a Bozo Burger before tripping down Dawn's Highway. Dawn's Highway will take you all the way to the City of Night, if you really want to go that far.

Lisa-Lisa & 1/2 hamburgers

Yesterday I slept OK; I think it's this daily walk thing I've instituted. After I fried up some Albertson's brand pancakes for the Beautiful Blonde Bumble Bee Girl she went out to the fucking bat-mobile & cleaned the windows so cute. We called Iron Claw House to see about Cheri not-bitching about being "late" after our doctor's appointments today. When we discovered Lisa was working I walked over & had Trish call me when she arrived safely at work there, instead of at home. Mostly, people just sat around & played Aggravation, but I can talk to Lisa better than Cheri. She sent home 1/2 a hamburger for Trish.

When I got home I found a message on the answering machine: Doc Larocque had approved Trish's Klonopin, albeit as a PRN. I mostly wasted the afternoon by watching Barb Wire, a comic book adaptation that proves that Pamela Anderson can't act, but it was an OK diversion.

While Trish took her bath I went for my daily walk. After I got back Trish wanted to play Penguins. I called Hope; I'd written her a note saying I'd had some marginal suicidal fantasies. I told her that I'm feeling much better now, & how was she? Not sleeping, even though they have her on 2 types of sleeping pills. She claims she hadn't replied to the letter 'cause she was so busy dropping out of the Center down there; she doesn't like the Units.

We had carrots & mac & cheese for supper last night. Trish read a little of the Battlestar Galactica sneak-peeks in Skiffy Magazine, then Jeffer Auss came over with some DVDs & got Trish all frenetic over the stupid fucking moths. For the last couple days Trish has been having a high level of anxiety over the moth problem, & didn't need to hear more on where they're coming from; they'll all die in a few more weeks, anyway.

This morning I woke up a little before 6:00. When I checked my email I discovered that Oceans of the Mind had rejected QA, so I sent it to ASIM, along with an apology for blowing up at that nerdy editor who doesn't know anything about either science or literature. They're kind of a last ditch submission, since they pay so poorly.

Trish should be up shortly, so until tomorrow it's just the end of time.

fear & Noncorean at the Perky Pam Layout

Yesterday Trish, wanting to walk to work, decided to attend Iron Claw House until she had to leave. I called Upstairs to see if they were open; answering service. I tried Downstairs a couple times, until I got the busy signal, so we assumed someone was there. Front was locked; back wasn't. We started to play War when Cheri came thru the front door & snapped, "What are you 2 doing in here?" When we said we'd come in back, it turned out that, "Colleen is working. She's making salads for the trip" (to the lake). When they kicked Trish out I elected not to go with them. I had TA with Car-girl & the laundry needed to be done, plus we'd promised to pick up Trish at Pizza Hut. So I tried beans on toast, & had enough leftovers for Trish's lunch. Ed & Denise gave us the idea, & we bought the last 5 cans at Bi-Mart.

I went to have my hair cut, found a real line. After that I went to El Taco Loco for a crazy pop, which took up all my pocket change. Fortunately, I still had money for laundry; I almost forgot & spent it on food.

After Trish & I were home from Pizza Hut, I went for my newly-instituted daily walk while Trish was in the tub. We fixed some pork in the basement, then cleaned Smelly Bear's cage. We took the tape we'd made of Dark Angel the night before downstairs, as it's cooler, but it wasn't compatible with her player. We made it about 1/2 way thru back upstairs, then decided to watch the final 2 episodes tonite. This is Jeffer Auss night, so I'll have to ask Trish how she feels about that.

Today I'm either staying home & writing or going out to the Layout, if Lisa's working there. I'm not feeling particularly inspired.

Trish has been having a lot of problems with her anxiety & her anxiety over being on a reduced dose of her anxiety meds. Suzanne had her on 1-1/2 Klonopin at night & 1 in the morning. When refill time came Doc Larocque wanted to skip the one in the morning. Trish's attitude went wonky pretty fast, though, so I told her to take the old dose until we could get ahold of the doctor, who was on vacation. Yesterday the nurses told us the Dr. wants Trish on the lower dose, but I could call today & see. Since Trish has tomorrow & Friday off, & since her appointment with Charlene Upstairs is Friday, we may simply have to try to give Trish more coping skills & lower her meds. It's less than a month until our peregrination to Great Falls to see the psychiatrist, & I'm becoming excited knowing that soon I'll be off haldol. It'll be the end of a decade, but I want a new drug.

Nobodaddy calls him by his last name

Yesterday, I saw Joe, about that brief lapse into suicidal thought that I had the weekend I was taking a break from writing. Just before then, Lucy called. I'd been reading my library book, but because of my nightmare vision, have to set a book down every few minutes, to rest my eyes. I'd just discovered the latest conspiracy on Mospheira, when the phone rang. A few minutes earlier I'd taken a Xanax & fuck the skinny dog. We chatted about the Velvet Underground, though I forgot to give her the link to "Andy Morlock's Dead": http://www.onewest.net/~jbauer/morlock a real hot link on the VU webring that was created from a Timothy Leary short story on an overnight nutmeg binge. (It is a little known fact that nutmeg is a legal psychedelic drug. You make herb tea out of it.)

So the morning was fairly nondescript. After Trish left for work I played around with "Astronomy Domine", & eliminated a scene, which now means establishing the character of Altenzauber (the vorkling Finny) differently. For lunch I had a TV dinner & a bowl of frozen vegetables. I took a quick bath & went to read before the phone rang.

When I came home from Joe's office Trish had already arrived, even though she was on foot. We ate our veggies -- she's now bringing stuff home from the salad bar -- before she took a bath. For supper she wanted to have pot pie, so we preheated the oven, then discovered that you could microwave the pasties. In the evening she played Penguins while I went for a walk. When I returned she said that she had some good news & some bad news: her sleep apnea test has been scheduled for Sept. 21st & a nap-test the next day, but I don't get to come with her, though I can visit her (when she's not napping).

She wanted to go bouncy-bouncy, so we skipped Dark Angel & left it on record. Since we went to bed so early I took 3 temazapam & fuck Scientology. This morning I slept in until 6:00, so I guess that the higher dose really does kick in. I feel rested & am ready to face another Scientology-fucking day.

HP blues

Lucy plans to call today. I can hardly wait. Someone cares, & of course someone cares, I married Trish for caring, but it's good to have old friends contact you when you're down: I sent her an email describing my savage dread; am hoping Hope will also call when she gets her snail-mail. The reason for all the (desired) calls is my brief period of "depression", which I now think was anxiety, but Karen wanted me to see Joe over my suicidal thought during my break from writing, so I made an appointment for today.

I decided to go back to writing the other day, & yesterday, after Trish left for work, read a little in my library book, & checked my email -- I've had no more problems with dropped calls; I think it was my ISP. Since Fred had agreed to come over between 1:00 & 1:30, I went out to the porch & waited, after dabbling with my violet, green & yellow painting for a bit. Fred dusted the ceiling fans as Trish had asked him to, even though I told him he didn't need to 'cause of his asthma.

After Fred & I dabbled with Amazing Grace on the keyboard, I started to print "Relayer", but the printer wouldn't do anything, so I pushed the icon several times. It spat out a 2nd copy of the story & began a 3rd, before running out of paper. I thought that I'd found the cancel button; apparently not: when I turned on my computer this morning it demanded more paper. Trish heard it beeping & found a button that needed to be pushed several times, the print icon having been clicked several times.

When Trish came home she was hysterical about Leona Cheapskate panhandling her. Doc Larocque had apparently cut Trish's Klonopin but Dr. Locoweed had upped it in the meantime. I told Trish to go back to taking some in the morning, until we get ahold of the doctor, who is on vacation until tomorrow.

While Trish bathed I read some more of Destroyer, alternating with listening to a song or 2 to rest my eye(s). We cooked chicken in the basement, then watched Ray on Trish's home theater. Say Bra had loaned her the tape at work, but the movie was overlong, so we finally paused it for another day. Today Trish is cleaning Smelly Bear's cage, & then we're watching the Dark Angel marathon. I'm not going to the PPL today, as I'm waiting for Lucy's call, but may have time to do some writing. I want to re-make/re-model "Astronomy Domine" before sending it on to Paradox.

Until tomorrow, it's just some other time...

Relayer, 10 true summers round

OK, so I just submitted "Relayer" to Baen's Universe. I think. The last time that I submitted there, the magazine was still in pre-production stages & the only thing on the web page was "submission guidelines". Today when I got there there was an elaborate page up, with clickable links for stories & departments, but I couldn't find the submission guidelines anywhere, so I went ahead, shrunk "Relayer" down to Courier New 12 point, added the header, & emailed it to them with "submission" in the subject line. Of course, my chances of being published there are slim, but they pay 20 cents a word, so it goes to them first, before Analog, the intended market.

Yesterday morning I fixed Trish her traditional breakfast of pancakes, then once she left for work started reading C.J. Cherryh's book. After awhile I headed out to the barbershop in order to have my hair cut, but it was "closed this Saturday", so I stopped in at El Taco Loco & had a crazy taco. & fries. I started to watch Heavy Metal, then decided to call Trish's mom, who was very supportive of my recent problems with depression (which seem to be going away now that I'm writing again; I hope never to wright again in my life & Timothy Leary's dread). I added some red & orange to the painting I'm working on, which has such pretty purple mountains that I don't want to mess it up with too much additional paint.

Trish called around 1:30. It surprised me, as usually she's not off until at least 2:00. Apparently the Republicans were holding a free b-b-q, so Pizza Hut wasn't getting any business.

Then the complaints about her medicine started. Last week, when she ran out of Klonopin, Locoweed no longer being her doctor, we faxed down to Great Falls, & Trish wound up without her morning Klonopin, just the dose at bedtime. Her anxiety level has increased, but I'm not certain if this is because she's on less meds or if it's because she's aware that she's on less meds.

She brought home 2 big bowls of veggies from the salad bar, nummy treats.

So she finally took her shower, after a nap, then had to nap some more, in order to dry her feet to put a bandage on her foot. She wanted "something easy" for supper, so we wound up with macaroni & cheese. Then I asked her to wash the fry pan & ceramic bowl for breakfast the following day, & she turned into Cranky Bear: I hadn't run a load of dishes 'cause there wasn't much in the dishwasher so she became mad that there was "a whole sink full of dishes". I got scared. I always get scared when she's angry 'cause it reminds me of our break up. She apologized later on -- & attributed it to the Klonopin.

After supper we had quiet time, & we discussed Platinum Studios, as well as what I intend to do now that I've finished "Relayer". My initial inclination was to begin the sequel to Skyfight, but then I decided to maybe do a rewrite of "Astronomy Domine", because of the flaws noted in Fantasy Magazine's rejection slip, namely that it "had moments, but didn't win us over completely". It's going to Paradox next, a publisher of historical fiction who take alternate-history science fiction.

We finally turned the TV on, so Trish could see the news. When we were done with that Trish watched Groundhog Day while I took a bath. She wanted to go to bed early so that we'd have time to make out, but my meds made me impotent -- haldol, be the death of me! Also, I'm not using the Kim fantasy anymore, as I'm afraid I'll try to act it out. Kim isn't nearly as nice looking as Trish, & my past with her doesn't warrant breaking up a marriage over, especially with someone who couldn't comprehend my authorial aspirations from within the prison of her deafness. I love my Bumble Bee Girl, even when she turns into Cranky Bear.

pizza, but no pot pie

So I haven't smoked pot in years, not that I don't want to. I'll wait until medical marijuana is legal on the national level before I smoke my rasta cigars, or even put it in pizza: yesterday Ed & Denise took us out to Pizza Hut where we ate a maui chicken & a veggie lovers. Then we went out to Bi-Mart, to see what's still left on their 20% off, closing business sale. We bought a bunch of canned pineapple & the last of the pork & beans.

That morning I woke up at 5:23, did my email, then worked on "Relayer" until Trish was out of bed -- this was my first piece of writing since I declared my hiatus a week & 1/2 ago. I also got some real kool email: Sid Davis at Platinum Studios said my pitch was "in line" & wanted a brief bio, so I gave him "Portrait of the Artist as a Jung Man".

We went to the Layout around 10:00. It's the same old story, Cheri's favorites sitting around playing Aggravation with nothing else to do. Trish & I played War, then used the computers some.

I called Car-girl with the info about Platinum Studios, but she said she needed to sleep; that she had the couch while her mom was visiting & had to cancel TA -- then called back to say she'd do it around 3:00, after a nap. I started to feel savage dread during the afternoon, when we were watching Heavy Metal, so I took a Xanax & fuck Scientology. Car-girl came around 3:00, so we did the laundry, then went & bought $40 worth of food at Albertson's. Since I was depersonalizing quite bad we got a pop at Rod's, then cruised for the mountains.

Before pizza Fred came by, & we tried another piece of cable with the surge suppressor. Still having problems. He also tightened the screw on the sink, which had been causing Trish fear & loathing. Then Ed rang the doorbell while Trish was playng Penguins, & we cruised for the Hut.

house-cleaning

Yesterday Trish had to wake up early for an appointment with the foot doctor. While we were in there it started to rain. He saw a blister on her foot & started her on some OTC salve. Once we were out of his office I called Car-girl while Trish went to make her next appointment & use the bathroom.

Because of the heavy downpour, we elected to go straight to the drugstore & then home, & miss out on Cheri's wonderful cooking. Trish watched Britney Spears up until lunchtime, then we ate at the soup kitchen, where we were regaled, not with a sermon but the old joke about the guy backing over a bunch of motorcycles (wasn't much of a fighter/wasn't much of a driver, either).

While Trish cleaned I went downstairs, to find she'd left her TV running for several days. I hope it won't run the power bill up too much. I watched the Doors until she finished cleaning, then we watched Bryan Ferry on Trish's home theater.

For supper I fixed us a can of beets & 2 cans of sketti-o's. Trish took her shower while I surfed the darkened seas -- still having problems with the surge suppressor -- I turned on the TV, Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome, & then Ted called. When I checked my email I'd found a note from Sid Davis to the effect of, the pitch is in line, send me a bio, so I had that uplifting news to report.

Trish went to bed early again. I woke up at 5:23. I know that I'm still undersleeping a little, but am hoping that this sleep apnea thing will improve the quality of my wife's rest.

ding-dong, the modem's back... or is it?

So the first thing that I did Tuesday, after I picked up my computer at Iron Claw Tech, was to surf the darkened seas of cyberspace -- only to get an error message. When I redialed it went right thru, then I had problems with "the web page cannot be accessed", then I'd get right back on. I assumed it was Onewest, but a call to their support number left them saying they weren't having problems. Which maybe they were, since everything's fine this morning (so far).

Mostly yesterday Trish wanted to walk to work, & check out the PPL, where we always play War. I dragged her to the post office to pick up some stamps, & then we did our thing while everybody else played Aggravation. Things became a little boring once the Insect Slayer left (she's still killing moths with hairspray). Cheri b-b-qued a bunch of hot dogs, about the time it started to sprinkle. I did the dishes after lunch, & skipped out before Cheri could become too hyper-critical.

Before I returned home I bought 10 pairs of socks at Sally Ann's, then sat down to jam on the bat-writer. I wrote a short note to Kim, like Pam asked me to; Trish will write hers soon. I am so hurt by what happened.

Then I wrote a letter to Hope, telling her that I think that I may be experiencing the beginning of another depression. I know that she'll understand; her own mood went bouncy-bouncy plenty of times. I feel sorry for the girl: she can't sleep.

So I got off the computer after I printed up the letter & waited for Trish. Fred picked her up at work -- we had to wait until 3:00 -- then Trish had to eat the veggies she brouht home from the salad bar, even some for me. Fred started to become nervous, so I turned off the stereo & played Blue Sunday a couple times.

He took us up to see Dr. Huffman for Trish's appointment. While we were in seeing the doctor Fred ran over to the hospital to visit a friend. Huffman now thinks Trish might have sleep apnea, & wants her to spend the night at the hospital. While I was there I made an appointment to see Dr. Nolan about my prostate. I'm 51 now, so I suppose it's time to have it checked.

When we got home Trish played Penguins while I cooked some pork that I'd marinated in Louisiana Supreme marinade. & some mashed potatoes. After supper Jeffer Auss came over, which was when I called Onewest. I asked him to take a look at my rear speakers: I think the tweeter's in series & not parallel. We went to bed at the usual time, & I woke up at 5:30, like usual. Since then I've done my usual morning stuff, & look forward to Ted's TC. I'm pretty sure that I want to start writing again, & the painting's going nowhere. At least Hope springs eternal & if Bi-Mart has any electric blankets left we're buying one for winter.

brand new modem

The last time that I wrote in this online journal was the same day Trish & I saw Jon Tester speak in the park. A terrible thunderstorm woke us up in the middle of the night. I feared for my computer then, & rightly so: when I woke up in the morning, to check my email, I got an error message: no dial-tone. I checked the cable, then picked up the cordless phone: also no dial-tone.

We ran over to the Perky Pam Layout around 9:00. Trish had the day off, so we wanted to hang out & have a free lunch. Cathy Upstairs called the phone company for us, so we went home, after leaving a message for Car-girl, to do her TA with Trish at 3:00. When she drove up Trish wanted to do laundry & Car-girl allowed me to come along. However, when she went to the office she found out the phone repairman had been trying to reach us, so we returned home & waited. Verdict: the modem was fried.

Trish worked Saturday & Sunday. I read a little bit, with my new magnifying glass, & also started a painting. A lot had changed, a lot has been changing in my life, so I've done stuff like switch off the omnipresent background music, especially when I'm reading. However, at one point I developed some suicidal thought. Karen said to make an appointment with Joe -- next Monday -- & she also said that we'd pay for the repair on my computer with my checkbook.

So Monday Car-girl & I hauled my computer into the shop. While we were there I bought a surge-suppressor that has an outlet for the modem on it. The salesman I talked with in the morning said I needed a battery backup for $50, so Trish & I took that much out of the bank; turns out I only needed $15, so we have some spare cash.

Yesterday I read in the morning & had one of Trish's TV dinners for lunch, then went out to pick up the computer. We cruised for the Iron Claws. While we were out there I had a wicked depersonalization experience & had to take "an addictive experimental antidepressant" & fuck the skinny dog.

When we came home I called Fred over plugging in the new surge-suppressor. Trish took a shower & afterwards we went to El Taco Loco for supper. My wild love is crazy, she eats like a bird. We watched the Dark Angel episodes we'd taped the night before, then went to bed with all the teddy bears.

No longer Azimuth

This morning everything checked out OK on my eye exam. My visual fields haven't deteriorated since June 04, & my pressures were great: 14 & 11. On the way home I saw the mailman at my door, & it was a portent of savage dread: my Skyfight with a form. I'm still on Sabbatical until Monday, but with this disheartening blow to my job I decided to call Car-girl. She took me out for a convertible cruise to the Iron Claws, & then she treated me to Pizza Hut, where I did not see the Bumble Bee Girl. She saw me, though. We stopped at Ben Franklin's so I could buy some art supplies, & put a yellow triangle of tempera on a canvas board while Car-girl fiddled with the keyboard. She finally left, to see about going fishing with Weiner, so I started to watch the videos on Jethro Tull, then paused it so I could take a bath. I wanted to be clean for the free b-b-q tonite. John Tester, the Democratic challenger to Senator Conrad Burns, will be attending, & besides influencing my vote we get a free burger.

non-relationships Karen

Trish had yesterday off. We planned to go to the Perky Pam Layout, but Cathy said that they were closed: Cheri was in Griffles with Brian & Lisa was harvesting. I called Karen about 10:30 to tell her about my depersonalization the day before. We wound up going to Jack's Tacos up in the mall to visit, & then to the Dollar Store & Bi-em-Apart (which is closing) with my checkbook to stock up on diverse sundries.

Trish had her TA with Car-girl yesterday; only complaint that Jeremy had to come, too. Apparently Car-girl wants Trish to volunteer at the Boys' & Girls' Club. While Trish was gone I read with my magnifying glass a little.

Once she arrived back at the house Trish threw a fit about the crumbling walls in the basement & called Karen. She didn't calm down, so I called Karen, who said that Trish just won't listen & not to call on this again.

We listened to CDs until suppertime, when I cooked some chicken thighs. Blondie makes a convenient chicken-timer. When the DVD is over the meat is ready. After supper we just watched Britney Spears until 8:00. Trish wanted to go to bed early as I have an eye appointment this morning, so I have to cook brecchie 1/2 an hour early. I didn't get to sleep until 11:00, woke up at 6:00. I'm still on Sabbatical from writing "Relayer" & the Bike Avenger, so I'm looking forward to my time with Car-girl.

revenge of the killer depersonalization experience

First off, fuck Scientology. The reason for today's Scientology-fucking is that yesterday I had a severe depersonalization experience. Internet research yielded that these can be a symptom of an oculogyric crisis, which is a side-effect of haldol.

Everything started fine: we got Trish out of bed for her breakfast of pancakes, after I'd been watering since 5:00-6:00 in the morning. So we washed her car windows, then after she called home from work I read my CJ Cherryh novel, up until lunch, when I had a sandwich & a can of sketti-o's. After Trish had left I called the refrigerator guy about the ice cube trays not freezing over & he'd said to load it down with an empty milk jug full of water. I called Fred to ask him if he had any, & he offered to bring one over around 1:00 & play keyboards awhile. I put in Charlie's Angels, & some time before Fred arrived my panic started. I took a whole Xanax & fuck Scientology & the skinny dog, but it didn't do much, & I had to ask Fred to stay for awhile, until it went away. A couple phone calls rang, & I accidentally called the eye doctor's receptionist "Bumble Bee Girl"; the other was a telemarketer -- then Trish called, saying she needed a driver to look at her work, & Fred took off, after I'd played Tarkus for him. Once the Bumble Bee Girl came home the dread anxiety passed, & I took an unsuccessful nap to shake off the Xanax.

After supper -- leftover stir-fry -- we finished watching the Dark Angel marathon we'd begun before the meal. Then about bedtime Trish noticed that the gallon jug was leaking, so we pulled free all the ice on the floor of the freezer & brought up all our frozens from the basement, which we unplugged. Trish wanted to make out, so we wound up going to bed early.

I'm still on vacation from writing. Having a new magnifying glass that actually allows me to read means more time reading SF, so I can perfect my craft thru imitation. I hope to finish my book sometime this week, & plan to read more frequently in the future. Until tomorrow, it's just some other time.

magnifying glass & mini-vacation

Yesterday may have been a watershed in my writing career: I finally have a magnifying glass strong enough to allow me to read. Since Joe convinced me to take a week-long vacation from writing -- it'd become a chore -- I plan to spend my free time today with a book.

Trish drove to work yesterday morning, & after she called home I ran over to the Center to see Joe. My main problem was that I've reached the point where writing is a chore & I have a high anxiety level when I do it. I'm going to spend a week doing nothing on the computer, save for email & blogging.

Then Car-girl told me that she'd be missing TA today -- she was going to Griffles -- so I ate a wheat taco at El Taco Loco, came home, & watched Heavy Metal. Trish called to say she'd be a little late, & just about the time we were warming up her leftover potatoes Car-girl called. All we did, once we had the magnifying glass, was to run around trying to find a sprinkler; our cheap plastic one busted. Kame-Apart was sold out. Bi-em-Apart was out. Finally, we came up with something at Home Barkus.

When I got home Trish was watching Heavy Metal, too. I relaxed a little under the a/c (100 degree day), then fixed stir-fry for supper. Trish took a shower while I read. We watched Dark Angel prior to taping it at bedtime.

When I got out of bed I made iced coffee, as usual -- one of the ice cube trays seems still not to be freezing up. It puzzles me that everything else should be frozen solid. If the problem persists I'll ask Karen if we can call in a repairman. I don't want to share the info with Trish as it'll just make her paranoid & she's under enough stress as it is.

fear & loathing in the refrigerate-all

I'm scared. Every morning, before Trish is up -- I woke up at 5:00 this morning, but we went to bed at 8:30 -- I fix a pot of coffee, then convert it into iced coffee from the 3 ice cube trays in the refrigerate-all. This morning, I went thru my email on my 1st cup (90% spam), then just before starting my daily blogging went to crack the white ice cube trays, the blue one having already been cracked. The uppermost tray was only 1/2 frozen. The rest of the ice cubes were solid; this tray was not. I just cranked the thing wide open, though I'll have to double-check with Trish when she gets up to see if I did it right; I'm now legally blind & can't see into the machine very well, but counter-clockwise is usually up. Then again, I may have had traveller's amnesia (I'm on temazapam & fuck Scientology) & cracked the tray without realizing that I'd done it. It does seem strange that only one tray would be affected, & it's also true that I did things like turn off the VCR without realizing it when we were taping Battlestar Galactica.

I see Joe today. Joe my brother didn't return my phone call yesterday; no one did, but Trish did reach Dion Sunday morning. He'd just returned when he walked in the door, had been at McRonald's eating a McGrease. He talked with Trish for awhile, but didn't have time for me. I was glad, though, that she at least spoke to one family member as I think it may have helped with her anxiety. She needs her Xanax refilled & fuck Scientology.

Sunday Trish did a lot of cleaning, once she was up. I'd been watering, but the sprinkler busted on me, so I have to buy a new one. A trip to Albertson's left us with $3 on the food stamp card, which is probably going to Pam. We went out to El Taco Loco for lunch & went Dutch. She had a chicken quesadilla & I had a #1. Once Trish finished with the kitchen we went over to the laundromat to do a load. Trish misses her washing machine too much to be needing a new fridge at this point, & this thing is brand new, or at least we only bought it last year.

I took my bath around the time Trish decided to call Car-girl about adjusting her mirror. Trish is constantly afraid of running out of gas, even though the thing shows 1/2 full. Car-girl took her to fill it up; it cost 30 buckadingdongs, but with the closure of the Alaska pipeline gas will go even higher, so it's good that she filled her tank when she did.

So I see Joe today. I'm going to fill him in on Trish being Kimothy leery. I also need to talk about how I may be at the beginning of another depression; that writing has become a chore & I feel anxiety when I sit down at the computer. I'm close to done on "Relayer" & just need to touch up a few spots before submiting it to Baen's Universe, followed by Analog. The story has been targeted to Analog, but Baen's pays better, it's an email submission, & they respond in 2-10 days.

I really need to start reading again, but the Bi-Mart 5 buckadingdong magnifier has no effect, Buffalo Bob's expensive gift has no effect, so Tuesday Car-girl & I are trucking in her convertible to Beardsley's office to see if I can pick one up that's 10X.

I just went out to the kitchen for more iced coffee. The freezer was blowing cold air, so I think it's the Scientology-fuckng temazapam that did it. I'm not telling Trish about it unless something really does go wrong. She's under enough stress as it is.

Sin field

I had an erotic dream last night, probably because I scored & vorkled with the mighty Insect Slayer at bedtime. I woke up around 5:00 again, this time to a woman who said her name was "Sinfield". Peter Sinfield is the name of the guy who wrote lyrics for King Crimson back in the 70s, but I should've known he was a man. I didn't know the woman's first name, but asked her what she did when she wasn't doing song lyrics. She said, "I'm a writer". Somewhere along the line she got naked, though I don't recall her taking her clothes off. We were just about to vorkle when I woke up. I needed to pee, so maybe that's why I had the hard-on. & the night before had been exquisite.

Yesterday I woke up early, like always, did my Internet stuff, then worked a little on "Relayer". I really need to start another project. I fixed Trish's breakfast of pancakes (mix is on sale at Albertson's 10 for $10), then after her coffee she washed the windows of the bat-mobile. Fred had intended to make it over, but had to go out to the Iron Claws with his brother. After Trish left & called home I went ahead & did another draft of "Relayer", then ate a peanut butter sandwich & some yogurt. Trish got off early, so when she came home she took a shower after relaxing. She wanted to go to Church at 5:00, so around 3:00 when she started her shower I started the chicken. She took a small glop of potatoes; I was almost tempted to have leftovers. After Church Trish waited for Kenneth to call. Candy had promised me earlier in the day that she'd have Ken call when he got in, but "he might not be in until late". Then Trish shivered me timbers.

the Invisible Dam

Yesterday Trish had the day off. She's concerned that she doesn't have 2 days off in a row, & though I admit it'd be more convenient, I don't want to make her bosses upset over her being demanding.

We had planned on going to the Perky Pam Layout, ate our corn flakes, drank our coffee, then trucked. When we arrived the sign on the door said, "Going to lake 10:30". We went upstairs & Cathy admitted that Cheri hadn't told her anything about it. To pass the time, Trish & I walked to Waste Fargo & cashed one of her checks, then went to the lunch box for a Diet Coke after finding out the Bear's Den was closed.

We finally left for the lake in Cheri's van; the Layout doesn't have gas money for their own van. When we came to Fresno Trish & I just hung out & drank diet pop until lunchtime, when we ate chicken & potato & macaroni salad with Cheri & Noncorean. Cheri had to start babbling about "learning Braille" as I'd mentioned that I'm now legally blind. The only reason I said that is because in the past she's always been perfectly obtuse about understanding my visual problems.

We finally came home. I started my Doors movie while Trish napped. I turned it off around 3:00 -- & reminded Trish to take her meds -- so we could shop at Albertson's with the food stamp card. They only gave us 26 buckadingdongs this month.

Trish had her appointment with Charlene while I restarted the movie. Charlene told her not to have me divide everything up evenly, to just take the portion sizes she wants & have leftovers if she feels overwhelmed by the food on her plate. She also advised writing a note to the deaf, dumb & blonde girl saying she's non-vorklable.

We went to El Taco Loco shortly after that. Trish had a chicken quesadilla & I had #4. She thought it was funny when someone came in & ordered one #2. Who does #2 work for?

When we returned home Trish washed the dishes, then relaxed with her Britney Spears. Everything went smoothly, up to the point where she mentioned her hours, saying she wants to work 16-18. I said, "You can work 20 if you feel like it," & she exploded. She claims I'm trying to "push her away" just because I want alone time. We called Karen, who calmed Trish down a little bit. I told Karen I barely have time to torment my typewriter as Car-girl & I do TA twice a week. Karen suggested dropping it to once a week, & have Car-girl spend more time with Trish, who needs it more right now than I do.

Maybe that would lower her anxiety level a little bit. Trish has just been having terrible problems coping ever since she had to go back to work, on top of which she has to drive every day.

Fred may stop by today. I'm still working on "Relayer", but want to finish it & send it off to Stan, though I suppose I'll try Baen's Universe first. If QA bounces at Oceans of the Mind it goes to ASIM, even though one of their readers likes to write insulting, sarcastic rejection slips. Ted's still working on TC, which is also aimed at Analog, but I think I'll complete Noc-Lar before I do any more short stories. I'm not good at multi-tasking. Hopefully, my Scientology-fucking meds won't slow me down. Although I write OK on haldol, I feel I did better when I was on stelazine, & I'm worried about the oculogyric crises. I have to wait a whole month & 1/2 to see a doctor. It sucks living in a rural area.

freaky Thursday (yesterday)

So yesterday Trish worked, but before breakfast I did a little work on "Relayer" & came up with a new ending, one where the lion-faced lizard-thing survives, but Sophie has a religious epiphany about the Over-mind, so now I have to go back & re-make/re-model the beginning.

After brecchie -- the last of the pancakes -- we sat around & let Trish drink her coffee, like usual. She had to wash the windows on her bat-mobile around 9:00, then left at 10:30 while I waited for the mailman. I still haven't heard from Asimov's on "To Fight in the Sky", so I wanted to sit in the porch until Trish called. After she made it safely to Pizza Hut I worked some more on "Relayer", then ate my leftover mac-&-cheese. About 1:30 (she called & apologized for being late) Car-girl & I got a pop at the Bear Creek Drive-in before going out to the Iron Claws to talk. When we came home Trish's car had been parked well & she was eating a peanut butter sandwich, then we finished off the mac-&-cheese.

After her bath -- Trish now naps for 1/2 an hour to dry her foot -- I fixed some b-b-q pork loins for the 2 of us, but her anxiety level became so great that she took 1/2 an hour to finish a small piece of meat, 1/2 a can of peas & carrots & some fake potatoes.

Then we went out to the Dairy Queen. Trish had some kind of ice cream/slush thing while I had a peanut butter cup blizzard. Those we managed to finish about the same time -- I eat sweets slow. Then we called Car-girl about her TA with Trish; Kelly decided to go to Griffles today. We're going to the Layout in the morning, picking up some groceries with the food stamp card this afternoon, & then Trish has her appointment with Charlene. I hope that she can help Trish cope with her anxiety.

anxiety, & it's diverse treatments

Trish has been having problems with her mental illness again, & it's stressing me out -- nonetheless, I sit thru 2-3 hours of typewriter torment in a day, trying to create something Analog-y. I'm sure I've written of it in this blog before; one of the latest manifestations has been an "eating disorder", which she doesn't have the same way she didn't have depression when she began to demand her Lamictal be raised. She thought that she had an eating disorder cuzza the other day when I fixed French toast for brecchie I finished before her -- I'm a fast eater -- & she tried to swallow too much, so some of it came back up. She called Charlene about it & has to see her on the 4th. We see Doc Larocque in September, & maybe she'll make a med change then (she's already on both Klonopin & Xanax), but I think that Trish's real problem is the stressors in her life, especially her foot, her job & her driving. Hopefully, Car-girl can find some time for her today so she can relax. Tormenting my typewriter while they're gone will be my R&R.